I have started several posts which haven't been published because I was trying to avoid being a whiny bitch during the most challenging part of my pregnancy (at least to you all... my husband got the brunt of it). I think I can declare victory at this point.
I don't know what happened at 32/33ish weeks but I hit this wall and wanted these girls out of me so badly. I just felt horrible all the time... pain in the ribs from their butts/feet, squashed stomach which made it impossible to eat resulting in oscillation between ravenous hunger and overwhelming nausea, and worsened carpal tunnel with permanently numb hands. I set my goal at surviving to 36 weeks and then planned to do anything in my power to get these chicas out into the world.
Then somewhere between 35-36 weeks things started to look up. I think they dropped some and now I can breath and sleep slightly better (although now waking up every 1.5-2 hours to pee). And surprisingly enough, here we are FULL TERM at 37 weeks and 3 days. I am quite proud of myself even though it probably has more to do with luck... there were days in the past month I didn't think I could do it. Now I am okay with them hanging out in there... just for a little while longer. At the same time, I am so excited to meet them and would love for them to get this show on the road on their own to avoid induction.
My fears/focus has now shifted to trying to get used to the idea of potentially not having the birth experience I desire. My OB is telling me they will induce by the end of 38 weeks due to the risks outweighing the benefits with twins beyond that point... BUT I am not even 1cm dilated, the babies are still pretty high, and I have had absolutely no complications/risk factors (no gestational diabetes, good BP, GBS neg). If my cervix does not start to change soon I think the risk of induction failure is relatively high... meaning C-section... which has been a huge fear of mine since they said "twins" at 6 weeks. I know that I need to accept that I have no control and make peace with that but my type A planner personality means doing so is less than easy.
I have my 37 week appointment tomorrow and I'm guessing we may talk about an induction date. My hubby has his residency graduation on 6/21 which will be 38 + 6. I am hoping that either a) my cervix has dilated some or b) they will let us wait to be induced until Sunday, 6/22 or Monday, 6/23 or c) both! We shall see... The hubby says his graduation is not that important to him but considering it's the culmination of 4 years of undergrad, 4 years of med school, and 4 years of residency finally resulting in a real actual job I think it's kind of a big deal. I agree with him that babies are a bigger deal but I thought they'd be here by now so we could do both. So I am hopeful we still can.
But mostly... mostly I am thankful... thankful that we have made it to full term, thankful that we have 2 healthy looking big babies (estimated 6lb 4 oz and 6lb 5 oz last week at 36 + 2), thankful that we are able to create this family we wanted for so long.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Saturday, May 10, 2014
I am old and so are our babies
I turned 30 on Thursday. I have been told I am ridiculous but 30 does feel and sound quite old (to me). It was a pretty uneventful birthday with me being knocked up and all but the hubby gave me exactly what I wanted... had flowers waiting, cooked a delicious dinner, poured me a (small) glass of wine, and finished it off with an ice cream cake. It was wonderful. I told him I wanted to celebrate later after the girls arrive and he did it just right with this little birthday dinner now.
We had our 32 week appointment and ultrasound this week. Tomorrow I will be 33 weeks which is just crazy. Means we're only 3 weeks from our goal and 3-7 weeks from our girls arriving! Everything looked great on the ultrasound:
Baby A weighed in at 4 lb 4 oz, pulse 145
Baby B weighed in at 4 lb 5 oz, pulse 153
They continue to weigh right around the 50% for singletons and the tech commented that if I make it to term they will probably both be over 8 lb! So fingers crossed to go a little early- 16 lb of baby is a lot! One of them you could already tell has a ton of hair which got me so excited! I love hairy babies (makes them look more baby & less alien at birth I think). My friend's daughter had this thick, dark hair and honestly looked like she was wearing a wig and she was just the most beautiful baby.
The OB proceeded to completely freak me out after our ultrasound. I have mentioned here that my weight gain over the past couple months has been kind of odd. I don't know if it is primarily due to fluctuations in swelling but one appointment (over 2 weeks) I will be up 5-6 lb and the next only up 0.2 lb. It has been this way every other appointment to even out to about a 1-1.5 lb weekly weight gain over the month as a whole. This week I was again up 6 lb. I was pretty swollen in my feet and hands and I didn't think that much of it given my blood pressure remained normal at 120/81. No protein in my urine either. But my OB asks me if they are seeing me weekly to which I replied no every 2 weeks and she said well your weight gain just has me concerned for pre-eclampsia. In my head I'm thinking "huh? but my BP and urine are normal." I pointed out that my weight has done this the past 2 months and she agreed but she remained concerned. I explained that I had an appt made for 34 weeks but I'd be happy to come in next week if she thought that was best. She said we could keep the same schedule just to call if I notice any more swelling, headaches or just don't feel well. Great... now I'm going to think any symptom I have is impending doom.
I'm glad the hubby was at this appointment because he helped calm me down. I am just scared now and feel I need to get everything ready this weekend in case something happens. I just want healthy me and healthy babies. I would feel much better if they keep cooking for at least 3 more weeks. Our goal is to bring them home from the hospital with us to the new, crazy, hectic wonder that will be our lives.
We had our 32 week appointment and ultrasound this week. Tomorrow I will be 33 weeks which is just crazy. Means we're only 3 weeks from our goal and 3-7 weeks from our girls arriving! Everything looked great on the ultrasound:
Baby A weighed in at 4 lb 4 oz, pulse 145
Baby B weighed in at 4 lb 5 oz, pulse 153
They continue to weigh right around the 50% for singletons and the tech commented that if I make it to term they will probably both be over 8 lb! So fingers crossed to go a little early- 16 lb of baby is a lot! One of them you could already tell has a ton of hair which got me so excited! I love hairy babies (makes them look more baby & less alien at birth I think). My friend's daughter had this thick, dark hair and honestly looked like she was wearing a wig and she was just the most beautiful baby.
The OB proceeded to completely freak me out after our ultrasound. I have mentioned here that my weight gain over the past couple months has been kind of odd. I don't know if it is primarily due to fluctuations in swelling but one appointment (over 2 weeks) I will be up 5-6 lb and the next only up 0.2 lb. It has been this way every other appointment to even out to about a 1-1.5 lb weekly weight gain over the month as a whole. This week I was again up 6 lb. I was pretty swollen in my feet and hands and I didn't think that much of it given my blood pressure remained normal at 120/81. No protein in my urine either. But my OB asks me if they are seeing me weekly to which I replied no every 2 weeks and she said well your weight gain just has me concerned for pre-eclampsia. In my head I'm thinking "huh? but my BP and urine are normal." I pointed out that my weight has done this the past 2 months and she agreed but she remained concerned. I explained that I had an appt made for 34 weeks but I'd be happy to come in next week if she thought that was best. She said we could keep the same schedule just to call if I notice any more swelling, headaches or just don't feel well. Great... now I'm going to think any symptom I have is impending doom.
I'm glad the hubby was at this appointment because he helped calm me down. I am just scared now and feel I need to get everything ready this weekend in case something happens. I just want healthy me and healthy babies. I would feel much better if they keep cooking for at least 3 more weeks. Our goal is to bring them home from the hospital with us to the new, crazy, hectic wonder that will be our lives.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Hello Third Trimester & Creepy Strangers
This past week was a major milestone... I am currently 28 weeks & 6 days! I am very excited to be in the third trimester and beyond the 28 week mark when most premies do okay.
I have still been struggling with uncomfortable hugeness, lots of swelling (especially given I am back on inpatient service working crazy hours mostly on my feet), and terrible carpal tunnel. My right thumb, index, middle, and half of my ring finger are now numb 24/7- it is a strange feeling and drives me a little crazy.
We had our doc visit and monthly ultrasound yesterday and our little minions are still growing wonderfully. Baby A was 2 lb 10 oz and heart rate of 134. Baby B was 2 lb 12 oz and heart rate of 163. I can't believe I have 5 lb 6 oz of baby in there already- that could be a full term singleton (well almost). They are both near the 50% for singletons which is amazing. My doctor was impressed with how I've been doing. I was a little freaked because I gained 6.5 lb in the past 2 weeks (but I did only gain 0.5 lb in the 2 weeks prior so I guess 7 lb over the month isn't terrible). She said given the swelling I've been complaining of it's not surprising and my blood pressure was good so she had no concerns.
The hubby and I went to a multiples class this week. I was hoping they would provide some good tips for breast feeding multiples ect. (advice for when they are actually here). Instead it was a bunch of basic info about multiple gestation pregnancies and was pretty worthless for us. There were about 8-10 couples and one woman in particular ruined the class for everyone (I'm pretty sure I am not alone in this opinion). She knew everything (at least thought she did) and kept trying to correct the maternity ward nurse instructor. It was painful.
I've been starting to get the "Oh my gosh when are you going to pop?" question. It's mildly entertaining to watch people's reactions when I respond, "2 1/2 months." I am tempted to stop telling people it's twins so they are embarrassed by telling me I'm huge... thankyouverymuch. I went out with girl friends last night for the start of a friend's bachelorette weekend. We went to the Red's baseball game. As we were going into the stadium the woman (in her 50s-60s) scanning our tickets squealed, "Oh! You must be about to have the baby!" And before I could move out of the way started touching my belly. This was my first stranger touching belly encounter and I WAS NOT A FAN. I don't understand why being pregnant makes people feel they have an open invitation to invade your personal space.
Seriously?
Do you go around rubbing bellies of non-pregnant people? I highly doubt it... so get your dirty strange hands off of me and my precious babies.
I have still been struggling with uncomfortable hugeness, lots of swelling (especially given I am back on inpatient service working crazy hours mostly on my feet), and terrible carpal tunnel. My right thumb, index, middle, and half of my ring finger are now numb 24/7- it is a strange feeling and drives me a little crazy.
We had our doc visit and monthly ultrasound yesterday and our little minions are still growing wonderfully. Baby A was 2 lb 10 oz and heart rate of 134. Baby B was 2 lb 12 oz and heart rate of 163. I can't believe I have 5 lb 6 oz of baby in there already- that could be a full term singleton (well almost). They are both near the 50% for singletons which is amazing. My doctor was impressed with how I've been doing. I was a little freaked because I gained 6.5 lb in the past 2 weeks (but I did only gain 0.5 lb in the 2 weeks prior so I guess 7 lb over the month isn't terrible). She said given the swelling I've been complaining of it's not surprising and my blood pressure was good so she had no concerns.
The hubby and I went to a multiples class this week. I was hoping they would provide some good tips for breast feeding multiples ect. (advice for when they are actually here). Instead it was a bunch of basic info about multiple gestation pregnancies and was pretty worthless for us. There were about 8-10 couples and one woman in particular ruined the class for everyone (I'm pretty sure I am not alone in this opinion). She knew everything (at least thought she did) and kept trying to correct the maternity ward nurse instructor. It was painful.
I've been starting to get the "Oh my gosh when are you going to pop?" question. It's mildly entertaining to watch people's reactions when I respond, "2 1/2 months." I am tempted to stop telling people it's twins so they are embarrassed by telling me I'm huge... thankyouverymuch. I went out with girl friends last night for the start of a friend's bachelorette weekend. We went to the Red's baseball game. As we were going into the stadium the woman (in her 50s-60s) scanning our tickets squealed, "Oh! You must be about to have the baby!" And before I could move out of the way started touching my belly. This was my first stranger touching belly encounter and I WAS NOT A FAN. I don't understand why being pregnant makes people feel they have an open invitation to invade your personal space.
Seriously?
Do you go around rubbing bellies of non-pregnant people? I highly doubt it... so get your dirty strange hands off of me and my precious babies.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
All Belly
I think this is every pregnant woman's dream- to have people say to you, "You're all belly."
I am not all belly. I have gained a little weight in my arms and a decent widening of my hips and butt have occurred. The last few weeks though it is just my belly that is growing out and out and out. I like it for the most part, looking really pregnant instead of chubby vs. pregnant but I am starting to feel like there is no more room between my rib cage and pelvis. At the end of the day I just feel so full and get this pain in my right upper abdomen.
Yesterday, I was post-call... I was up most of the night before trying to get 2 kids to stop seizing and awake for most of 36 hours + pregnancy is not a good emotional combination. Last night in my exhausted state I just broke down... I started telling my husband I didn't know how I was going to make it three more months feeling this big and that there is just no more room. He looks over at me and says, "Are you crying?" Yes... I was crying. Exhaustion and raging hormones will do that to you. I called it a night and I am fine today. This is just harder than I thought sometimes. I love being pregnant, but being a medical resident working a ton of hours, having constant work pressure and serious chronic fatigue makes some days really, really hard.
I have been trying to focus on all my nesting activities. It makes me feel like I am accomplishing things and that someday I'll feel ready for their arrival. I am currently in the process of making 2 quilts. I don't exactly know how to sew...my mother bought me a sewing machine for Christmas and I've finally dragged it out of the box. I am pretty excited to be making things with my own hands for our babies but a little scared of how wonky they may look. Made with love is what counts right?
I am slowly checking things off the nursery list:
The room is painted, cribs assembled and with mattresses, changing table set up.
I painted the closet 2 weekends ago and the hubby helped me hang a second rod with a shelf on top last weekend to accommodate all their tiny clothes :)
We have 2 built in dressers in the room (our house is a cape cod with such charming little features). One of them got new knobs and I got this awesome wallpaper to line the drawers with.
My mom gave me a little table to use next to the glider which I need to paint.
We ordered a chair and a half glider which should be here in May.
I need to finish my quilts and I am contemplating making 1 or 2 black and white mobiles for either above the cribs or above the changing table.
I ordered this awesome print from Etsy which I'm planning to put with this Hammerpress print, a cute mirror, and a little birdhouse I am painting in a collection above a little bookshelf.
I also want to get big wood or cardboard letters (the first letter of each of their names) to decorate somehow and hang above each crib.
Things are coming together... I will post pictures eventually when it is looking all calm and soothing and pretty just as I picture it in my head. It's shaping up to be my favorite room in our house.
I am not all belly. I have gained a little weight in my arms and a decent widening of my hips and butt have occurred. The last few weeks though it is just my belly that is growing out and out and out. I like it for the most part, looking really pregnant instead of chubby vs. pregnant but I am starting to feel like there is no more room between my rib cage and pelvis. At the end of the day I just feel so full and get this pain in my right upper abdomen.
Yesterday, I was post-call... I was up most of the night before trying to get 2 kids to stop seizing and awake for most of 36 hours + pregnancy is not a good emotional combination. Last night in my exhausted state I just broke down... I started telling my husband I didn't know how I was going to make it three more months feeling this big and that there is just no more room. He looks over at me and says, "Are you crying?" Yes... I was crying. Exhaustion and raging hormones will do that to you. I called it a night and I am fine today. This is just harder than I thought sometimes. I love being pregnant, but being a medical resident working a ton of hours, having constant work pressure and serious chronic fatigue makes some days really, really hard.
I have been trying to focus on all my nesting activities. It makes me feel like I am accomplishing things and that someday I'll feel ready for their arrival. I am currently in the process of making 2 quilts. I don't exactly know how to sew...my mother bought me a sewing machine for Christmas and I've finally dragged it out of the box. I am pretty excited to be making things with my own hands for our babies but a little scared of how wonky they may look. Made with love is what counts right?
I am slowly checking things off the nursery list:
The room is painted, cribs assembled and with mattresses, changing table set up.
I painted the closet 2 weekends ago and the hubby helped me hang a second rod with a shelf on top last weekend to accommodate all their tiny clothes :)
We have 2 built in dressers in the room (our house is a cape cod with such charming little features). One of them got new knobs and I got this awesome wallpaper to line the drawers with.
My mom gave me a little table to use next to the glider which I need to paint.
We ordered a chair and a half glider which should be here in May.
I need to finish my quilts and I am contemplating making 1 or 2 black and white mobiles for either above the cribs or above the changing table.
I ordered this awesome print from Etsy which I'm planning to put with this Hammerpress print, a cute mirror, and a little birdhouse I am painting in a collection above a little bookshelf.
I also want to get big wood or cardboard letters (the first letter of each of their names) to decorate somehow and hang above each crib.
Things are coming together... I will post pictures eventually when it is looking all calm and soothing and pretty just as I picture it in my head. It's shaping up to be my favorite room in our house.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
2 lb 11 oz of Baby on Board and Almost Viable :)
We had our 24 week appointment and ultrasound this week! I have realized I am getting spoiled with these frequent ultrasounds and probably won't know what to do if I ever have a singleton in the future.
Our babies looked great once again. Baby A weighing in at 1 lb 6 oz, still a girl and currently head down. I gave her a little pep talk to kindly stay that way for the next 3-3 1/2 months. Baby B weighing in at 1 lb 5 oz, also still a girl and yawning and then later sucking her thumb. Ahhh... love is seeing these babies do those normal baby things... makes it feel all the more real. I can't wrap my brain around 2 babies arriving in about 3 months- it is just too good to actually be true. Until they are placed in my arms I don't think it's really going to sink in.
I will be 25 weeks on Sunday... viability. This makes me incredibly happy but also anxious to get through the next 3 weeks because 28 weeks is infinitely better for baby brains and lungs than 25 weeks. I have no reason to think they'll come that early... just 3 months of working in the NICU during the past 3 years and seeing lots of itty bitty twins. So for now I'm just going to be thankful for each week that passes and they grow bigger and stronger.
I have my glucose tolerance test next week and am then going on a mission to get Tdaps for myself, my hubby and all close family members. No pertussis exposures for these babies...
I swear I am going to try my hardest to not be a crazy mom... haha... try being the operative word.
Our babies looked great once again. Baby A weighing in at 1 lb 6 oz, still a girl and currently head down. I gave her a little pep talk to kindly stay that way for the next 3-3 1/2 months. Baby B weighing in at 1 lb 5 oz, also still a girl and yawning and then later sucking her thumb. Ahhh... love is seeing these babies do those normal baby things... makes it feel all the more real. I can't wrap my brain around 2 babies arriving in about 3 months- it is just too good to actually be true. Until they are placed in my arms I don't think it's really going to sink in.
I will be 25 weeks on Sunday... viability. This makes me incredibly happy but also anxious to get through the next 3 weeks because 28 weeks is infinitely better for baby brains and lungs than 25 weeks. I have no reason to think they'll come that early... just 3 months of working in the NICU during the past 3 years and seeing lots of itty bitty twins. So for now I'm just going to be thankful for each week that passes and they grow bigger and stronger.
I have my glucose tolerance test next week and am then going on a mission to get Tdaps for myself, my hubby and all close family members. No pertussis exposures for these babies...
I swear I am going to try my hardest to not be a crazy mom... haha... try being the operative word.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
The Latest Happenings
Now that that's off my chest I figure I owe you all a real update...
I am now 21 weeks & 4 days... 3 weeks away from viability, 6 weeks from a good chance at healthy babies, and probably 3-3 1/2 months from their arrival. It feels so close & so far at the same time.
We had our anatomy scan at 18 weeks & 3 days. The babies looked beautiful- measuring on target at 17 week & 5 days, weighing 8 oz each. Their brains looked perfect & their hearts had 4 chambers just as they should. My low lying placenta also resolved. All is well in my uterus which is such a great relief. We finally decided to find our their genders (well I decided & my husband obliged) and we are having two absolutely perfect little girls. We are thrilled! I was definitely surprised but we are truly happy to have two healthy little ones on the way (the girls or boys part was so much less important).
The past 2 weeks I have been feeling them move all the time which is at the top of my list of most amazing things I will ever experience. I kept having my husband put his hand on my belly but he really didn't think he could feel them until a few nights ago when he felt them kick (or punch?) several times. That was awesome too- having him finally feel them. It is real. This is really happening. We are so damn lucky.
In the interest of being honest- I have had some not so desirable preganancy symptoms. I have had some intermittent leaking of colostrum... I actually just looked down after feeling a wet spot on my shirt at this very moment- so hot. I'm sure my hubby loves this. Luckily it has occurred in the evenings so far- no embarrassing spots at work. I also dry heaved a whole shower at 18 weeks which was long after I thought the nausea & vomiting had left for good.
We also started working on the nursery which has been so fun. We have 2 cribs & the changing table set up. I painted the room a long time ago with a nursery in mind but I plan on painting the closet (which is bright yellow) this weekend & then making it baby friendly- adding an extra bar & a shelf. We ordered an amazing chair and a half glider which won't be here until May but makes me happy to daydream about. I have big ideas for art & hope to make home made black & white mobiles- we'll see how my crazy schedule allows for me to fulfill all these dreams as their arrival quickly approaches.
Finally my hubby secured an attending job for August & is going to delay his fellowship until January to be able to spend more time with the babies & I in their first 6 months. The timing of this pregnancy has worked out better than I could have imagined. Since he will finish his residency at the end of June (when we are due) he has a week of vacation to take that month & then is going to take all of July off and we will just live on my salary for 1 month until he starts as an attending (and his salary quadruples) in August.
Basically we are blessed beyond measure.
I am now 21 weeks & 4 days... 3 weeks away from viability, 6 weeks from a good chance at healthy babies, and probably 3-3 1/2 months from their arrival. It feels so close & so far at the same time.
We had our anatomy scan at 18 weeks & 3 days. The babies looked beautiful- measuring on target at 17 week & 5 days, weighing 8 oz each. Their brains looked perfect & their hearts had 4 chambers just as they should. My low lying placenta also resolved. All is well in my uterus which is such a great relief. We finally decided to find our their genders (well I decided & my husband obliged) and we are having two absolutely perfect little girls. We are thrilled! I was definitely surprised but we are truly happy to have two healthy little ones on the way (the girls or boys part was so much less important).
The past 2 weeks I have been feeling them move all the time which is at the top of my list of most amazing things I will ever experience. I kept having my husband put his hand on my belly but he really didn't think he could feel them until a few nights ago when he felt them kick (or punch?) several times. That was awesome too- having him finally feel them. It is real. This is really happening. We are so damn lucky.
In the interest of being honest- I have had some not so desirable preganancy symptoms. I have had some intermittent leaking of colostrum... I actually just looked down after feeling a wet spot on my shirt at this very moment- so hot. I'm sure my hubby loves this. Luckily it has occurred in the evenings so far- no embarrassing spots at work. I also dry heaved a whole shower at 18 weeks which was long after I thought the nausea & vomiting had left for good.
We also started working on the nursery which has been so fun. We have 2 cribs & the changing table set up. I painted the room a long time ago with a nursery in mind but I plan on painting the closet (which is bright yellow) this weekend & then making it baby friendly- adding an extra bar & a shelf. We ordered an amazing chair and a half glider which won't be here until May but makes me happy to daydream about. I have big ideas for art & hope to make home made black & white mobiles- we'll see how my crazy schedule allows for me to fulfill all these dreams as their arrival quickly approaches.
Finally my hubby secured an attending job for August & is going to delay his fellowship until January to be able to spend more time with the babies & I in their first 6 months. The timing of this pregnancy has worked out better than I could have imagined. Since he will finish his residency at the end of June (when we are due) he has a week of vacation to take that month & then is going to take all of July off and we will just live on my salary for 1 month until he starts as an attending (and his salary quadruples) in August.
Basically we are blessed beyond measure.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
The Other Side of the Tracks
I haven't posted in nearly a month... sorry for the radio silence. Allow me to explain...
I still find this whole being pregnant thing odd. To be one of the ones I was jealous of and sometimes bitter toward for so many months. It makes me nervous to post here how I'm feeling- good or bad. It makes me think I should never have a single negative thought or feeling about pregnancy which as much as I would love to be true is simply an impossibility. This is not to say that I am not thankful and appreciative and happy every single day. That goes without saying. It's just that there are moments when I feel sick or tired or huge and sometimes I feel immense guilt about not loving even 1% of this.
The hubby and I have 1 real life couple we have be come very close to over the past year who have also had difficulties conceiving. They are also both physicians and due to the aforementioned medical match system had to spend the last 3 years (until July) living in different cities several hours apart. After deciding they wanted to start trying to conceive, she did not have a menstrual cycle for many months even with meds to induce. We initially knew her husband much better than her but she's been here for 7-8 months now and she and I had talked some in the summer/fall about TTC and our frustrations ect. I had noticed in the fall that she wasn't having beers when we went out and brought it up to my hubby. Maybe they are pregnant too I had hoped but I never would have directly asked. Then a few weeks ago we were out bowling with them and I guess my hubby asked and sadly found out they had miscarried at 11 weeks (back in November). Our hearts were broken for them... my hubby who had had quite a few drinks at this point teared up and was really sad about it all night. Unfortunately, her miscarriage has been a drawn out and I'm sure a challenging/frustrating experience- she has undergone 2 D&Cs and Methotrexate... and after 3 months still has a detectable beta. I just want it to be over for them so they can move forward.
Finding this out has just made me think more and feel more self conscious about our pregnancy and good fortune. I know they are excited and happy for us and her husband told me repeatedly not to be afraid to talk about my pregnancy, that they love hearing about it and want to babysit for us in the future... but I don't want to be that person rubbing it in their face. I know how it feels to be the one in that position- so happy for your friend but so sad for yourself at the same time.
I want to find a balance in talking with them about our babies but it is hard. I am so happy and so excited and babies fill so many of my waking (and sleeping) thoughts.
I like to think that I am sensitive about the situation but I am not naïve enough to believe that I don't ever make mistakes or say things that may make them cringe.
It is strange... finding myself on the other side of the tracks.
I still find this whole being pregnant thing odd. To be one of the ones I was jealous of and sometimes bitter toward for so many months. It makes me nervous to post here how I'm feeling- good or bad. It makes me think I should never have a single negative thought or feeling about pregnancy which as much as I would love to be true is simply an impossibility. This is not to say that I am not thankful and appreciative and happy every single day. That goes without saying. It's just that there are moments when I feel sick or tired or huge and sometimes I feel immense guilt about not loving even 1% of this.
The hubby and I have 1 real life couple we have be come very close to over the past year who have also had difficulties conceiving. They are also both physicians and due to the aforementioned medical match system had to spend the last 3 years (until July) living in different cities several hours apart. After deciding they wanted to start trying to conceive, she did not have a menstrual cycle for many months even with meds to induce. We initially knew her husband much better than her but she's been here for 7-8 months now and she and I had talked some in the summer/fall about TTC and our frustrations ect. I had noticed in the fall that she wasn't having beers when we went out and brought it up to my hubby. Maybe they are pregnant too I had hoped but I never would have directly asked. Then a few weeks ago we were out bowling with them and I guess my hubby asked and sadly found out they had miscarried at 11 weeks (back in November). Our hearts were broken for them... my hubby who had had quite a few drinks at this point teared up and was really sad about it all night. Unfortunately, her miscarriage has been a drawn out and I'm sure a challenging/frustrating experience- she has undergone 2 D&Cs and Methotrexate... and after 3 months still has a detectable beta. I just want it to be over for them so they can move forward.
Finding this out has just made me think more and feel more self conscious about our pregnancy and good fortune. I know they are excited and happy for us and her husband told me repeatedly not to be afraid to talk about my pregnancy, that they love hearing about it and want to babysit for us in the future... but I don't want to be that person rubbing it in their face. I know how it feels to be the one in that position- so happy for your friend but so sad for yourself at the same time.
I want to find a balance in talking with them about our babies but it is hard. I am so happy and so excited and babies fill so many of my waking (and sleeping) thoughts.
I like to think that I am sensitive about the situation but I am not naïve enough to believe that I don't ever make mistakes or say things that may make them cringe.
It is strange... finding myself on the other side of the tracks.
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