Now that that's off my chest I figure I owe you all a real update...
I am now 21 weeks & 4 days... 3 weeks away from viability, 6 weeks from a good chance at healthy babies, and probably 3-3 1/2 months from their arrival. It feels so close & so far at the same time.
We had our anatomy scan at 18 weeks & 3 days. The babies looked beautiful- measuring on target at 17 week & 5 days, weighing 8 oz each. Their brains looked perfect & their hearts had 4 chambers just as they should. My low lying placenta also resolved. All is well in my uterus which is such a great relief. We finally decided to find our their genders (well I decided & my husband obliged) and we are having two absolutely perfect little girls. We are thrilled! I was definitely surprised but we are truly happy to have two healthy little ones on the way (the girls or boys part was so much less important).
The past 2 weeks I have been feeling them move all the time which is at the top of my list of most amazing things I will ever experience. I kept having my husband put his hand on my belly but he really didn't think he could feel them until a few nights ago when he felt them kick (or punch?) several times. That was awesome too- having him finally feel them. It is real. This is really happening. We are so damn lucky.
In the interest of being honest- I have had some not so desirable preganancy symptoms. I have had some intermittent leaking of colostrum... I actually just looked down after feeling a wet spot on my shirt at this very moment- so hot. I'm sure my hubby loves this. Luckily it has occurred in the evenings so far- no embarrassing spots at work. I also dry heaved a whole shower at 18 weeks which was long after I thought the nausea & vomiting had left for good.
We also started working on the nursery which has been so fun. We have 2 cribs & the changing table set up. I painted the room a long time ago with a nursery in mind but I plan on painting the closet (which is bright yellow) this weekend & then making it baby friendly- adding an extra bar & a shelf. We ordered an amazing chair and a half glider which won't be here until May but makes me happy to daydream about. I have big ideas for art & hope to make home made black & white mobiles- we'll see how my crazy schedule allows for me to fulfill all these dreams as their arrival quickly approaches.
Finally my hubby secured an attending job for August & is going to delay his fellowship until January to be able to spend more time with the babies & I in their first 6 months. The timing of this pregnancy has worked out better than I could have imagined. Since he will finish his residency at the end of June (when we are due) he has a week of vacation to take that month & then is going to take all of July off and we will just live on my salary for 1 month until he starts as an attending (and his salary quadruples) in August.
Basically we are blessed beyond measure.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
The Other Side of the Tracks
I haven't posted in nearly a month... sorry for the radio silence. Allow me to explain...
I still find this whole being pregnant thing odd. To be one of the ones I was jealous of and sometimes bitter toward for so many months. It makes me nervous to post here how I'm feeling- good or bad. It makes me think I should never have a single negative thought or feeling about pregnancy which as much as I would love to be true is simply an impossibility. This is not to say that I am not thankful and appreciative and happy every single day. That goes without saying. It's just that there are moments when I feel sick or tired or huge and sometimes I feel immense guilt about not loving even 1% of this.
The hubby and I have 1 real life couple we have be come very close to over the past year who have also had difficulties conceiving. They are also both physicians and due to the aforementioned medical match system had to spend the last 3 years (until July) living in different cities several hours apart. After deciding they wanted to start trying to conceive, she did not have a menstrual cycle for many months even with meds to induce. We initially knew her husband much better than her but she's been here for 7-8 months now and she and I had talked some in the summer/fall about TTC and our frustrations ect. I had noticed in the fall that she wasn't having beers when we went out and brought it up to my hubby. Maybe they are pregnant too I had hoped but I never would have directly asked. Then a few weeks ago we were out bowling with them and I guess my hubby asked and sadly found out they had miscarried at 11 weeks (back in November). Our hearts were broken for them... my hubby who had had quite a few drinks at this point teared up and was really sad about it all night. Unfortunately, her miscarriage has been a drawn out and I'm sure a challenging/frustrating experience- she has undergone 2 D&Cs and Methotrexate... and after 3 months still has a detectable beta. I just want it to be over for them so they can move forward.
Finding this out has just made me think more and feel more self conscious about our pregnancy and good fortune. I know they are excited and happy for us and her husband told me repeatedly not to be afraid to talk about my pregnancy, that they love hearing about it and want to babysit for us in the future... but I don't want to be that person rubbing it in their face. I know how it feels to be the one in that position- so happy for your friend but so sad for yourself at the same time.
I want to find a balance in talking with them about our babies but it is hard. I am so happy and so excited and babies fill so many of my waking (and sleeping) thoughts.
I like to think that I am sensitive about the situation but I am not naïve enough to believe that I don't ever make mistakes or say things that may make them cringe.
It is strange... finding myself on the other side of the tracks.
I still find this whole being pregnant thing odd. To be one of the ones I was jealous of and sometimes bitter toward for so many months. It makes me nervous to post here how I'm feeling- good or bad. It makes me think I should never have a single negative thought or feeling about pregnancy which as much as I would love to be true is simply an impossibility. This is not to say that I am not thankful and appreciative and happy every single day. That goes without saying. It's just that there are moments when I feel sick or tired or huge and sometimes I feel immense guilt about not loving even 1% of this.
The hubby and I have 1 real life couple we have be come very close to over the past year who have also had difficulties conceiving. They are also both physicians and due to the aforementioned medical match system had to spend the last 3 years (until July) living in different cities several hours apart. After deciding they wanted to start trying to conceive, she did not have a menstrual cycle for many months even with meds to induce. We initially knew her husband much better than her but she's been here for 7-8 months now and she and I had talked some in the summer/fall about TTC and our frustrations ect. I had noticed in the fall that she wasn't having beers when we went out and brought it up to my hubby. Maybe they are pregnant too I had hoped but I never would have directly asked. Then a few weeks ago we were out bowling with them and I guess my hubby asked and sadly found out they had miscarried at 11 weeks (back in November). Our hearts were broken for them... my hubby who had had quite a few drinks at this point teared up and was really sad about it all night. Unfortunately, her miscarriage has been a drawn out and I'm sure a challenging/frustrating experience- she has undergone 2 D&Cs and Methotrexate... and after 3 months still has a detectable beta. I just want it to be over for them so they can move forward.
Finding this out has just made me think more and feel more self conscious about our pregnancy and good fortune. I know they are excited and happy for us and her husband told me repeatedly not to be afraid to talk about my pregnancy, that they love hearing about it and want to babysit for us in the future... but I don't want to be that person rubbing it in their face. I know how it feels to be the one in that position- so happy for your friend but so sad for yourself at the same time.
I want to find a balance in talking with them about our babies but it is hard. I am so happy and so excited and babies fill so many of my waking (and sleeping) thoughts.
I like to think that I am sensitive about the situation but I am not naïve enough to believe that I don't ever make mistakes or say things that may make them cringe.
It is strange... finding myself on the other side of the tracks.
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