Why Hello There...

I have started several posts which haven't been published because I was trying to avoid being a whiny bitch during the most challenging part of my pregnancy (at least to you all... my husband got the brunt of it).  I think I can declare victory at this point.


I don't know what happened at 32/33ish weeks but I hit this wall and wanted these girls out of me so badly.  I just felt horrible all the time... pain in the ribs from their butts/feet, squashed stomach which made it impossible to eat resulting in oscillation between ravenous hunger and overwhelming nausea, and worsened carpal tunnel with permanently numb hands.  I set my goal at surviving to 36 weeks and then planned to do anything in my power to get these chicas out into the world.


Then somewhere between 35-36 weeks things started to look up.  I think they dropped some and now I can breath and sleep slightly better (although now waking up every 1.5-2 hours to pee).  And surprisingly enough, here we are FULL TERM at 37 weeks and 3 days.  I am quite proud of myself even though it probably has more to do with luck... there were days in the past month I didn't think I could do it.  Now I am okay with them hanging out in there... just for a little while longer.  At the same time, I am so excited to meet them and would love for them to get this show on the road on their own to avoid induction. 


My fears/focus has now shifted to trying to get used to the idea of potentially not having the birth experience I desire.  My OB is telling me they will induce by the end of 38 weeks due to the risks outweighing the benefits with twins beyond that point... BUT I am not even 1cm dilated, the babies are still pretty high, and I have had absolutely no complications/risk factors (no gestational diabetes, good BP, GBS neg).  If my cervix does not start to change soon I think the risk of induction failure is relatively high... meaning C-section... which has been a huge fear of mine since they said "twins" at 6 weeks.  I know that I need to accept that I have no control and make peace with that but my type A planner personality means doing so is less than easy.


I have my 37 week appointment tomorrow and I'm guessing we may talk about an induction date.  My hubby has his residency graduation on 6/21 which will be 38 + 6.  I am hoping that either a) my cervix has dilated some or b) they will let us wait to be induced until Sunday, 6/22 or Monday, 6/23 or c) both!  We shall see... The hubby says his graduation is not that important to him but considering it's the culmination of 4 years of undergrad, 4 years of med school, and 4 years of residency finally resulting in a real actual job I think it's kind of a big deal.  I agree with him that babies are a bigger deal but I thought they'd be here by now so we could do both. So I am hopeful we still can.


But mostly... mostly I am thankful... thankful that we have made it to full term, thankful that we have 2 healthy looking big babies (estimated 6lb 4 oz and 6lb 5 oz last week at 36 + 2), thankful that we are able to create this family we wanted for so long.