The past week has been rough. Honestly I'm not 100% sure why. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones finally kicking in or what.
The end of last week I started crying at basically anything semi-sentimental &/or sweet. On Saturday, I was reading about the San Francisco Batkid and cried. Then I was watching College Game Day and there was a story about a kid who had retinoblastoma (cancer within the eye which typically requires removal of the eye) and had one eye removed around age 2 then the cancer recurred around age 10 & chemo was ineffective and he had to have his other eye removed leaving him blind, during this time he became good friends with the USC football team & he decided he was going to find a way to play football again which he did- he is now his high school's starting long snapper... so then I cried some more. I think there was one more cry that morning but I can't recall the details.
Then I had to work on Sunday & I got my favorite Vietnamese pho with chicken & rice noodles on my way home from work. Finally got home to eat it at almost three o'clock, scarfed it down, before I could even finish had to make a beeline to the bathroom & tossed my entire lunch in the toilet. Then I cried some more. My husband came back to the bathroom offering to do what he could to help & then saw my pathetic face & couldn't help but laugh at me.
I have to admit that in a twisted way the nausea & vomiting provide me with a little reassurance and I would take puking so hard I have little red petechiae all around my eyes over another negative pregnancy test any day. I am not complaining (at least not trying to). I am trying to savor every moment of this pregnancy knowing it may be both my first and my last.
The hubs keeps joking that he is going to get snipped as soon as these little ones get here which is quite funny because he has told me since we met that he would get a vasectomy at 35 whether we had kids or not... which he just turned last week and therefore will be still when these kids are born thus making it not out of the realm of possibilities. He has always wanted 2 kids, doesn't want us to be outnumbered. I have always wanted 4- 2 boys & 2 girls (as if I would ever have control over this) primarily because I longed for a sister growing up with 2 brothers. I keep telling the hubby to just wait and see. Let's get these ones grown & here safe with us before we start making any plans.
I need to get back to where I was the first couple weeks (before I knew there were 2)... I was much more calm & confident, maybe naively so but confident none the less.
Ultimately at the end of each day, week ect, hard one or not I am so happy that things have been going well for us so far and that all signs point to two healthy babes on board. Happy that we got through this infertility business with less intervention than I thought may be required.
2 weeks from today is my next OB visit... doesn't seem so bad.
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