A Litte Bit of This, a Little Bit of That

When we got married back in September 2011, while on our short but wonderful honeymoon my husband said "Let's just go off birth control and start trying now." I was a little taken aback by this and being the type A crazy planner that I am said "Why don't we wait 6 months or so and start trying in March?" I can't remember why I had that timing in mind exactly and wish now that I had just listened to my husband but alas we stuck with my plan because as my husband likes to point out- I always get my way.  I don't know if I just wanted some control over the situation and wanted some time together as newlyweds before the inevitable chaos of a baby.  My mom had been pushing us to get pregnant before we were even married and I think part of me just wanted to make that decision completely on our own terms.

Maybe that is why I still haven't found the courage to tell my mom what is going on with the baby making business.  She has made incessant comments basically since we got engaged which have only worsened now that we've been married for 1.5 years and are still remarkably (in her eyes) childless.  I love my mother but living in the same city as my family for the past 7 years especially with all this recent pressure has been challenging.  I know that it's not fair to get angry with her for making comments when she isn't aware of what is going on, but that doesn't make it easier to smile when she brings over another item for the child we do not (and more importantly cannot) yet have. Yes, I tell people when we have new friends over that we hide our children in the rooms upstairs because we have- a) a play set in our backyard (left by the previous owners), b) a little chair and table set (given to us by my mother), c) a child's Ohio State chair (also given to us by my mother). And creepily enough the locks on the doors upstairs (our hopefully maybe someday kid's rooms) have been turned inside out so that we could actually lock them in- don't ask me what the previous owners did to their 2 children, they seemed normal enough during our brief interaction at the closing.

I just don't know what to expect when I break the news to my mom- I think a part of me won't be able to hold back the anger toward her for making so many damn comments when we have enough stress on our plate and then I picture her face and her utter disappointment and I just can't imagine telling her.  See I am the only hope for the near future for them for grand kids. Unless my 21 year old brother knocks someone up which no one is hoping for.  My other brother who was 2 years younger than me passed away 2 days after my husband and I got engaged (just over 3 years ago now) and since then my parents have been much more overbearing which I sometimes can accept and sometimes cannot. I feel like my parents are counting on us to bring something happy back into our family's life and that is just not my damn job.  In reality my mom would probably feel profusely guilty because I think she thinks just like everyone else does- You just have to want to be pregnant, have lots of sex, and poof! it is so.  I swear if lots of steamy sex was all it took to get pregnant we'd have been pregnant, had the baby, and been pregnant again by now.  So if not steamy sex maybe cold hard science will do the trick!