So here goes...

Have you ever looked up infertile in the dictionary?

According to thesaurus.com it is an adjective 
definition: not bearing fruit, young

Then you get to the flattering synonyms:
Barren, depleted, DRAINED, arid, desolate, LONELY, SOLITARY, UNINHABITABLE, waste, wild, fruitless, infecund (which I had never heard until my browsing of thesaurus.com despite my 8 years of post-high school education), and finally UNPROLIFIC

That is how all this craziness makes me feel- UNPROLIFIC

You know when I got married 20 months ago... and started trying to conceive 15 months ago... I just didn't think we'd be here. 
There were times I thought, "Oh no! What if I am pregnant this month after having a few too many glasses of wine at that wedding last weekend?"
Or "What if I can't hold it all together once I have a baby? How will I balance being a doctor which I love and being a mother which I am sure I will love infinitely more?"

But I never thought (until several months in with a still uninhabited uterus), "What if I can't have the family I've always imagined? Or at least have a baby, one, just one baby?" when everyone I know seems to pop them out like candy.

But here I am... lately without much hope or humor or grace. So maybe in the process of writing this and purging myself of my bitterness and sadness I can figure out a better way to handle the lot we've been dealt, stop feeling so damn sorry for myself, and figure out how the hell we're gonna make a baby.